"there ain't nothin' in this world for free..."

I have an issue with people who presume they are owed something or will receive something for free for minor inconveniences.

Twice this week two separate guests suggested/joked/implied they ought to get something for free from me. In one instance, it was because I informed a guest the computer was rebooting so it would be a few minutes before I could close his check. He said I should get them shots of Cuervo for making them wait. When I didn't deliver, he was actually taken aback. All I could do was chuckle awkwardly and be like, "You're so silly..." He didn't laugh.

On the second occasion, this guy was having drinks before the opening game for the Atlanta Hawks, but he made it clear he wasn't there for the burgers and margaritas. He kept asking questions about the restaurant's owner, if I thought he would be in that night, if he and his son were going to be at the game (since they usually go to the first Hawks game), if I knew how to get in touch with so-and-so to follow up on a resume he e-mailed... Yeah. I said, "Sir. This is just a restaurant. We have no connections with the people upstairs."

"Oh. Well if you see ____, can you give him my name and number??"

"... No."

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah. Really."

In between harassing me for information about people in the corporate offices, he's trying to impress me with the fact that he supposedly knows these people, has spent time at our owner's ranch, and that our owner himself has actually made drinks for him at said ranch for free. When I actually gave him a check for all he'd had to drink, he looked dumbfounded and said, "Oh! I've never gotten a check from Mr ___ before!" to which I replied, "I'm not at liberty to give anything away."

I'm generally a nice person and I will smile to your face and compliment your outdated hair or makeup even if you're being a prick to me. You can run me to death, sending me off to get something else every single time I stop by your table to check on you (for the record, your server really appreciates if you tell her everything you think you might need at once so that she can bring it and then tend to her other tables). You can blame me for getting hair in your food when it's clearly a strand off your own head (This actually happened once. She was bleach blonde. My hair is almost brown and at the time was pretty short. She pulls a long, white-ish strand of hair from her salad and looks at me with disgust and asks for a new salad.) You can snap your fingers at me or interrupt me when I'm at another table. It will piss me off, for sure, but I'll deal with it and I'll grant your requests.

But the second you try to tell me you think I need to give you something for free, in my mind I want to fart in your face and then shove you out the door into moving traffic.

Extreme reaction? Maybe. I won't do it, don't worry.