In order to not sound like a completely misanthropic bitch, I wish to preface the following blog by giving a kudos to you average Joe's and Jane's who choose outdoor activity over sitting inside playing video games or watching "Jersey Shore". Even more kudos to you if you have children and you drag them out with you.
With that said...
I can't stand how the first really nice day of the year draws out all the people who have been in hibernation since the first time the mercury dipped below 59 degrees. They don't know how to share the trails and bike paths, they don't call out to their hyperactive 4-year-olds to keep them from darting in front of runners and bikers, and they still dress like a winter storm is on the horizon (quilted down coats and Ugg boots on a 65-degree day? Really?).
Can we all just agree to follow a few basic rules so that us all-weather, all-terrain badasses can peacefully coexist with you fair-weather pseudo-recreationists? Because the only thing I love more than composing lists is to be able to run without having to dart into oncoming traffic because you don't know how to share the sidwalk.
1. Trail traffic should mimic road traffic. Keep right, pass left. If you are moving slowly, you should keep to the far right edge of the trail. Please do not wander in a drunken zig-zag pattern all over the path as you hollar into your blue-tooth because EVERYONE IN THE PARK NEEDS TO KNOW YOU'RE SO IMPORTANT THAT YOU HAVE TO TAKE PHONE CALLS EVEN WHILE WALKING.
2. I know I've mentioned this in a previous blog somewhere, but please, please keep your children and elders within arms' reach. Your children are little, don't look before running across the path, and are very easy to trip over. Your elderly are hard of hearing and startle easily when someone tries to pass on the left, often stopping short as they spin around in bewilderment, unsure which way to go and in the process blocking the path entirely.
3. If you are traveling in a group, it is not only helpful but extremely courteous to walk in pairs on the right-hand side of the sidewalk or trail, not 6 abreast. It is also nice if you're not all tapping away at your Iphones and Crackberries, updating your Facebook statuses. I mean, learn how to fucking converse, people.
4. Glen Beck is a jerk with a bad case of verbal diarrhea. This has nothing to do with parks or recreation but when I told my husband I was blogging he insisted I include something that shares our distaste for him.
5. Don't try to hand out religious pamphlets to a runner. It just doesn't work (or they're already saved or what have you). Yes, this has happened to me - not in our local park but on a run just the same.
6. Please provide enough room for the lady with the jogger or stroller as you pass each other on the path or sidewalk. I mean really, a quick glance up is all it takes to realize Oh, she's gonna have to go off the curb with her baby if I don't move over a little. Besides which, next person whose lazy ass doesn't move over is gonna get clipped in the achilles by a Babytrend tire.
7. Dogs. Leash training. Learn it. But, if you just carry your dog around anyway, please stay home. You're really annoying to look at.
That's all I have for now. If you have any more peeves to share, please do. Don't leave me hanging - I know I can't be the only person who has these thoughts... although, perhaps the jerkiest.