Finders Keepers?

What a week.

The Mart in Atlanta is in full swing. From 1/11 through 2/6, an additional 100,000 people or so are here to buy and sell, buy and sell, and buy and sell. It seems exhausting, so I can understand that people are hungry. Like, going on a two-hour wait by 7:00PM, yelling at us because we're not giving them two tables when their group of eight easily fits at one, telling the manager he can't do anything to make them happy because how dare we deliver their steaks before every last person is done with their salad (not like we have 292 other people to feed), "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T TAKE RESERVATIONS?!?!" kind of hungry. Or, hangry, I should say.

The great thing about this month is the amount of caffeine I can justifiably consume stuff I can plan to get myself for my birthday in a few weeks.



Of course, I do have to stop doing things like letting my tip money fall out of my pocket for someone else to walk off with. . .

Long story short, my friends bought me a few sympathy drinks last night. Nothing like busting your ass for eight hours and then discovering you're missing nearly everything you've earned. I am just trying to maintain some perspective because I know I'm not broke. We have a good life. I work because things would be uncomfortably tight if I didn't. What I earn helps us afford essentials with something left over to enjoy our time off a little. We aren't flashing our Rolex watches or rolling on shiny, blingy, chromed-out 20's, but things are pretty good. As quickly as I got upset, I knew I had better just get over it.

In my mind, if someone picks up over $100 and doesn't make any attempt to be honest and turn it in, they are clearly in a situation that I probably would not to be in myself. Strangely enough, my husband DID find a $100-bill on the sidewalk this time last year. I tucked it away and didn't touch it for a week after notifying the office in our complex that if anyone came looking for it, to send them our way. There wasn't much else we could do (ever walk down the street with money yelling, "Hey! I found a Benjamin! Is it yours?") so when no one came looking for the cash I deposited it in our daughter's savings account. Perhaps losing my money last night was the Universe's way of telling me that someone else needed it more than we did, even if they didn't go about it the right way. Perhaps it's trying to tell me there are more important things to worry about.

Have you ever lost something of value? How would you reward someone's honesty?

What would you do if you found $100?

Tuesday Night Spin - some like it loud

There was no particular theme to this week's class other than I wanted to turn it up and crank it out. With all the rain we've had this week, it seems to start getting dark around 4:00 PM, leaving me feeling drowsy and ready to nap. So I needed a class that would wake me up and really get that heart going.

This week I asked my class to really pay attention to effort and heart rate, pedaling at anywhere from 60% for warm-up or recovery songs to 90% for nearly all-out efforts like sprints or heavy hills. Without really forcing ourselves to push it to the limit of what's comfortable, most of us would just hang out in that aerobic zone of 60-70%. We would still be burning calories, but over time our bodies adjust to the demands we put on them and we would plateau (or worse, start gaining weight again!). This is because after a period of time spent working out, our bodies become more efficient and require less energy to complete the same tasks. The downside to this is that if we continue doing the same workouts but keep everything else the same, we'll stop losing weight and stop noticing changes.

So focus on how you feel verses the numbers on the bike or treadmill. If you've been running a 10:00min/mile pace for more than a few months now, start trying to pick up the pace for a few minutes at a time during your run. If you're sitting in a spin class and the instructor says to add a gear and you don't feel like you're working much harder, add two! Don't be afraid of making your workouts harder. Don't shy away from sweat.

For me, picking loud, fast music is a sure-fire way to make sure I push myself. I mean, you can't exactly jog when you're listening to Chemical Brothers.


The Power is On Spin

1. Warm up, alternate 3 positions every 30s. start flat and add a gear half-way through. Start at 50% effort, take it up to 60%. "The Power is On" The Go! Team
2. Add another gear. Run in position 1 at 70% from 30s. to 1:30. Back it off to 60% for a minute. Take it to position 3 and run at 70% from 2:30-3:30. Back off to 60%. "Battleflag" Lo Fidelity Allstars
3. Maintain speed at 70% effort through gradually increasing resistance. Add a hair of resistance every minute of the song. As your pace remains the same your effort should increase to 80-85%. "Block Rockin' Beats" Chemical Brothers
4. Medium hill. 70% effort. Add one more gear from end of previous song. Pos 2 jog on verse, pos 3 and pick up on the chorus.  "Beverly Hills" Weezer
5. Jumps. 60%. Take it back to light resistance for the first half, add a gear for the 2nd half. 8count/4ct for first half, 4ct/2ct for the 2nd. "Warning" Green Day.
6. Hill with increasing resistance. Take it back up to medium resistance. Sit and climb for the verse, add a gear and pick it up in pos. 3 for the instrumental breaks. Leave it on when you sit. Add resistance until it's as heavy as you can still pedal through. You should get close to 90% effort by the end. "All Along the Watchtower" Jimi Hendrix
7. Climb it out. Take off just one gear, sit and grind it out at heavy resistance. Holding at 80% effort. "Ain't No Rest for the Wicked" Cage the Elephant
8. Flat recovery! 60% "Take It or Leave It" Jet
9. Hovers, medium resistance. Still 60% effort. "Mercy" Duffy
10. Light to medium resistance, alternate pos. 1 and pos. 3 runs til the music slows. Add in lots and lots of resistance for a quick, steep hill. Take it back off as the music picks up at the end and run it out. 70% "Lancaster Gate" Enter the Haggis
11. Heavy climb with seated surges. Heavy resistance in pos. 3 on the verse, take 2 gears off and sit and push harder in pos. 1. 80%. "Shake it Out" Florence and the Machine
12. Seated sprints. Recover on a flat road for first minute of the song, then add a gear and pick up the pace to 90% effort for first surge. Recover as the music breaks. Pick it back up a 2nd time for a longer surge when the music picks back up. If you can still carry on a conversation during this last song, you're doing it wrong. "Sandstorm" Darude
13. Cool down, flat road. "#41" Dave Matthews BandDon't forget to bring a towel!

"there ain't nothin' in this world for free..."

I have an issue with people who presume they are owed something or will receive something for free for minor inconveniences.

Twice this week two separate guests suggested/joked/implied they ought to get something for free from me. In one instance, it was because I informed a guest the computer was rebooting so it would be a few minutes before I could close his check. He said I should get them shots of Cuervo for making them wait. When I didn't deliver, he was actually taken aback. All I could do was chuckle awkwardly and be like, "You're so silly..." He didn't laugh.

On the second occasion, this guy was having drinks before the opening game for the Atlanta Hawks, but he made it clear he wasn't there for the burgers and margaritas. He kept asking questions about the restaurant's owner, if I thought he would be in that night, if he and his son were going to be at the game (since they usually go to the first Hawks game), if I knew how to get in touch with so-and-so to follow up on a resume he e-mailed... Yeah. I said, "Sir. This is just a restaurant. We have no connections with the people upstairs."

"Oh. Well if you see ____, can you give him my name and number??"

"... No."

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah. Really."

In between harassing me for information about people in the corporate offices, he's trying to impress me with the fact that he supposedly knows these people, has spent time at our owner's ranch, and that our owner himself has actually made drinks for him at said ranch for free. When I actually gave him a check for all he'd had to drink, he looked dumbfounded and said, "Oh! I've never gotten a check from Mr ___ before!" to which I replied, "I'm not at liberty to give anything away."

I'm generally a nice person and I will smile to your face and compliment your outdated hair or makeup even if you're being a prick to me. You can run me to death, sending me off to get something else every single time I stop by your table to check on you (for the record, your server really appreciates if you tell her everything you think you might need at once so that she can bring it and then tend to her other tables). You can blame me for getting hair in your food when it's clearly a strand off your own head (This actually happened once. She was bleach blonde. My hair is almost brown and at the time was pretty short. She pulls a long, white-ish strand of hair from her salad and looks at me with disgust and asks for a new salad.) You can snap your fingers at me or interrupt me when I'm at another table. It will piss me off, for sure, but I'll deal with it and I'll grant your requests.

But the second you try to tell me you think I need to give you something for free, in my mind I want to fart in your face and then shove you out the door into moving traffic.

Extreme reaction? Maybe. I won't do it, don't worry.

Tuesday Night Spin - NYE Take II

To say I was a little miffed that no one showed to last week's class would be a bit of an understatement, but this week I had a good turnout and am no longer fearing that I'll have to give up my Tuesday night time slot. The task at hand now becomes to rope in the newbies and get them to try, love and become addicted to spin class.

I had a couple girls come in last week just to ask me a few questions about why indoor cycling is something they should do as part of their routine.

Short answer: Your heart is your most important muscle!

In more detail: I see a lot of people working out to look good. They develop "mirror syndrome" - only working the muscles they see in their reflections - or they spot train the areas they want to try to improve by doing hundreds of crunches or sitting on those stupid thigh master machines for hours.

Now I'm not saying everyone has to be beet-red and dripping sweat to be getting a legitimate workout. I understand that not everyone has time to get down and dirty and then clean themselves up to go back to work or other commitments. With that said, however, your heart really DOES need to be a priority. If you're not at least getting a little winded during your workout, then you're not truly working everything you need to in order to improve your fitness and health.

Last night's playlist is a play on the class I got to go to while visiting my old gym and spin instructor a few weeks ago. The songs are broken up into 4 cycles of 3 songs that each include a drill, a hill, and sprints. Drills work different muscles and often involve alternating riding positions (isolations, hovers, jumps), and hills and sprints are self-explanatory. The idea of working in cycles is to get that heart rate to really spike and then to bring it back down for a recovery while still working those legs. Each cycle will feel harder than the previous one - just keep pedaling! The great thing about this particular workout is that it can be cut down to be included as a part of your overall routine if you are pressed for time. If you are only in the gym for an hour and don't have time for a class, still find a bike, elliptical, or treadmill (if it has an incline function) and try to do a couple "cycles" before hitting the weights.

The other fun thing about this playlist - it's all 2011 songs. I know! I dug my head out of the 90's for a second and actually found some songs that I LIKE!

New Year, New You Spin

1. Warm up - flat road, alternate positions 1,2, and 3 every 30s. add a gear for the last 1:30 of the song. "Good Feeling" Flo Rida
2. Hill with standing bursts - add another 2-3 gears, sit and climb, stand and pick up the pace on the chorus. "Rolling in the Deep" Adele
3. Sprint intervals - flat road, starting at 30s. run with equal time recovery 15s/30s/45s/60s (last sprint takes you to the end). "Party Rock Anthem" LMFAO
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4. Jumps- 8 count 1st verse, 4 count chorus. Repeat. Reduce to a 4 count and 2 count for the bridge and last chorus. "Under Cover of Darkeness" The Strokes
5. Hill- medium to heavy resistance, sit and ride it out (optional standing burst on the chorus) "Pumped Up Kicks" Foster the People
6. Runs with resistance - stand and climb at medium resistance (slow it down and recover), sit and sprint on a flat road for the chorus. "Lonely Boy" The Black Keys
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7. Standing isolation- Stand and jog in position 2 (standing upright on bike), take out the "bounce" on the chorus (pretend you have a glass of water on your head) and keep your hands light on the handlebars. "Forget You" Cee Lo Green
8. Hill- heavy resistance, position 3 for the verses, take just 2 gears off and sit and try to climb faster on the chorus. "Shake it Out" Florence and the Machine
9. Standing runs- dial it back to light to medium resistance, pos. 1 verse, pos. 2 bridge, run in pos. 3 for the chorus. "Raise Your Glass" Pink
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10. Hovers (glute isolation)- medium resistance, position 3 at an easy pace for the verse, slide it back and hover just over the sadle on the chorus, focusing more on pulling up on the pedals rather than pushing down. "Sunset in July" 311
11. Mega hill- OK, I lied about never playing Lady Gaga. But this one is pretty damn good. Add a gear every minute starting from medium resistance until you can no longer pedal smoothly, then stand and see if you can add at least one more gear. "You and I" Lady Gaga
12. Run it home- flat road, recover from your hill for the first minute of this song, then as the music picks up start to wind up your pace and get ready for a sprint on the chorus. Remember control is better than speed, so no bouncing or add a gear back in. "Walk" Foo Fighters
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13. Cool down- flat road, slowly winding down to no resistance. "Beyond" Baligomingo

I know I'm pooling like, 1.2 readers when I post questions but I'll put them out there anyway. Feedback is always welcome and appreciated! Also, if you like my workouts and playlists, please feel free to share them! I wouldn't have half of my workout ideas if it weren't for other instructors sharing theirs.

What's your favorite workout song of 2011? I gotta say I really LOVE "Shake it Out" by Florence and the Machine. It's such a cathartic song and I feel like when I run or spin to it, I'm literally shaking anything that's weighing me down so that I'm a new person when I'm done working out.

Work it Hard: Make it Work

Crickets.... that's what I would have heard as I sat on my bike in front of an empty room today.

Yup. No one was there for class tonight.

Talk about a bummer. And I'm thinking, I spent time putting a kick-a$$ playlist together for WHAT?To turn up the speakers and work out by myself, apparently.

*sigh*

No matter. I loved tonight's playlist and I'm going to try really hard not to dwell because, after all, it's 2 days after Christmas and a lot of people are still in the throes of holiday travel. I guess I just kind of wish I'd known that no one planned on being there so I could have gotten my workout in much earlier in the day.

So I'll save my playlist post for next week. For now, I just want to say a word or two about a tradition a good number of us will take part in next week.

We're on the doorstep of 2012 and with that will come the usual and expected New Years Resolution. I have heard a good number of vague, half-assed, but also determined and out-right awesome resolutions from people. If there was one things I could tell anyone and everyone making a resolution this year it would be this: Instead of picking a lofty goal like working out 14 hours a week or losing 100 lbs by May, go for something more realistic and tangible. Ask yourself a few key questions to gauge your commitment level and, ultimately, how you want to feel a year from now. Is it really just a jean size you're striving for, or can you wrap your mind around setting a goal that will impact every aspect of your life? Just think, what if we replaced resolutions like "I will lose weight/get skinny/look hot this year" with goals like, "I will get fit/feel strong/increase my life expectancy"?

Because in the end, our time spent in the gym, on the road, on the field or in the water shouldn't only be about booties and six packs; we need to be focused on the bigger picture which is our bodies, and how we can work them and hold them up to the highest standard to which they can and should be tested. We are strong and were created to work. If we make our bodies work, they will in turn work for us, keeping us alive and well to inspire generations to come to.

What do you want to change/improve that can't be measured with a number?

This is how we do it...

I'm not one for a holiday steeped in tradition. If we go somewhere different or see different people every year for Thanksgiving and Christmas, I'm totally cool with that. We're not religious but I've always enjoyed evergreens and twinkling lights. I still call it Christmas to keep it simple, but in my heart it's more like Yule. This year is the 2nd in a row that we've put up a tree in our humble little town house I have to say, I kinda like this being home for the holidays thing.

We're just having a few relatives over, making a little more food than we could all reasonably consume, and enjoying a relaxing weekend + a little extra (aka The Wrapping Paper Explosion). I made a huge batch of spaghetti with some homemade "fire roasted" marinara for the vegetarians, and the same sauce as a meaty version with beef and Italian sausage for us carnivores. It was like carb loading for a race, even if tomorrow the only racing we'll be doing is from the kitchen to the living room to retrieve and devour treats, or after our 2-year-old after she receives her first bike.

A few things about this Christmas:

I made stuff from scratch. Bread. Sweets. Sauces. Garlic butter (minus the butter- I did not milk a cow then sit around shaking a jar of milk solids for an hour to make it myself).

My Great-Grandmother's applesauce nut bread. I'd share the recipe but I haven't cleared it yet with the family whether I'm allowed to.

Mint brownie cake pops. Not from Starbucks. From my kitchen.

I listened to Christmas music. A lot. I had the Indie Christmas station playing on Pandora while cooking in the kitchen. I listened to Christmas classics while wrapping presents. And I already shared my Christmas playlist.

Through my patient silence about our scraggly fake tree, I got my husband to concede to putting up a real one.

Bad Camera. Awesome Tree.

I am not one for keeping up with the Jones' nor would I ever attempt to try. Although I don't know who this creepy person is who gets excited about lights and carols, it's kinda fun and for better or for worse (no matter how loudly my husband rolls his eyes) I think she'll be back again next year.

Merry Christmas!
Happy Yule!
Joyous Chanuka, Kwanza, and Winter Solstice!

And a wonderful, festive, safe and exciting New Year!

What old traditions have stayed with your family, year after year?
What new traditions have you begun with your family?
What is your favorite thing about the holidays?

Tuesday Night Spin- Happy Holidays!

It's been a while since I've posted a new playlist and while I'm out of town and not teaching tonight, this is the list I put together for last week. In an effort to be somewhat inclusive, there is a Hanukkah song, but for the most part I found some great twists on Christmas classics. Don't worry, there's no Marriah Carey (although she IS looking awesome these days, I must admit). Most Christmas songs are only a couple minutes long, though, so I had to keep some of my usual songs in there for a few different drills. And there is such a thing as too many jingle bells.

If you don't want to work out to any of these songs, at least add them to your party shuffle for your holiday festivities. I mean, "Punk Rawk Christmas" by MXPX? How could you NOT play that for Grandma and Grandpa??

Festivus For the Rest of Us Spin:
1. warm up, flat road, alternate left and right leg - "Deck the Halls" Manheim Steamroller
2. 3 position warm up continued, add a gear, alternate pos. 1, 2, and 3 every 30s. - "Gettin in the Mood (for Christmas)" Brian Setzer Orchestra
3. jumps, 8/4/2 count - "Jump" Flo Rida ft. Nelly Furtado
4. begin 1st climb, medium resistance, sit and climb with standing bursts in pos. 3 - "Siberian Sleigh Ride" Trans-Siberian Orchestra
5. 3 position climb, add a gear in pos. 3 for each chorus and leave it on when you sit until you can't add any more while pedaling smoothly - "Ready to Go" Republica
6. flat recovery - "The Dreidel Song" Sister Hazel
7. alternate 30s. running, 30s. recovery, running at 80-85%, add a gear if needed for control - "Punk Rawk Christmas" MXPX
8. medium resistance, stand and climb in pos. 3 for the verse then sit and run on a flat road each time the music picks up - "Seven Nation Army" White Stripes
9. seated endurance climb, add a gear from medium resistance, maintain 70% effort (aching, not gasping for breath) - "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)" U2
10. hovers, light to medium resistance, hover on each chorus just barely grazing the saddle (try to keep a flat back and limit bouncing) - "Santa Drives a Hot Rod"
11. heavy climb, add it in over 30s. intervals 'til you have to stand, add more 'til you're as steep as you can get and still pedal smoothly - "Christmas/ Sarajevo 12/24" Trans-Siberian Orchestra
12. downclimb, back off the resistance 2-3 gears (still hard but not steep), pos. 1 for the verse, 2 for the bridge, out to 3 taking OFF a gear and pick up the pace for the chorus, repeat - "The Dog Days are Over" Florence and the Machine
13. runs on a light hill, short heavy climb in the middle (add it in, max out to a steep climb, then gradually take it back off for the last standing run) - "Lancaster Gate" Enter the Haggis
14. flat n' fast, run it out to the end, 85-90% - "All I Want for Christmas is You (And Maybe You)" Xmas Massacre
15 + 16. flat recovery, followed by no resistance, followed by stretches - "Somewhere Only We Know" Keane - "Be Like That" 3 Doors Down

Merry Spinning!

How To Not Kill Someone and Other Important Social Skills

Yesterday, I turned into a bitch.

Well I've always been one. But the level of bitchiness that rears its ghastly, sleep-deprived and under-caffeinated head is usually kept under some amount of control.

Essentially, I've only run 6 miles since the half marathon, and my foot hurt like a mofo afterwards, leading me to decide to stay off the pavement and commit to a week or two of bike and elliptical only. Well 2 days ago it hit 62 degrees. Yesterday, 68. My foot has still been acting up from work so I was really sour about the weather beckoning me to venture outdoors when running still seemed like a bad idea.

But when the thermostat hit 72 today, enough was enough and I set out with the daughter in tow; my foot taped up tight and a 1.5X dose of ibuprofen in my system. I am happy to report that not only was the short 3.5-mile jaunt around Piedmont Park relatively pain-free, but Alexis got her wiggles out on the playground afterward and napped like a champ. So I guess I can say that Mission: Post- Undiagnosed but Probable Injury Run was a success. And I feel a million times better.

Pre-run Jen: Angry, spitting fire, wanting to chuck drinks and half-eaten food at rude customers.

Post-run Jen: Happy, refreshed, able to face the world without doing anything that might lead to an arrest.

I'm thinking I might try another 3-4 miles tomorrow to preemptively improve my attitude before work has a chance to ruin it. More on that another time... all I'll say is that holiday cheer does not seem to spead to that little line where people are supposed to leave a tip. In fact, I'm seeing worse tips than I've seen all year. I want to wear a button that says, "Excuse me, but I'm trying to afford gifts for everyone on my list, too."

Switching gears.

Food. It's a common talking point this time of year. We all eat it. We tend to eat more of it between the last Thursday of November and the first of January. Combine the increased caloric intake with the lower mileage many of us face thanks to either winding down from marathon season or commitments take us away from our usual routines, and you're quickly in a surplus of consumed energy that can lead to added pounds. Since we all want extra pounds as much as a kid wants to find coal in his stocking, it's important to keep our eating habits in check. No need to go on an extreme diet; just make sure you've got apples within closer reach than the sugar cookies.

Since I've been laying off the miles (still spinning away furiously, but it's just not the same) and spending a lot more time in Target than the gym, I want to try to get back to fulfilling my daily fruit and veggie requirement. Not an easy feat, but I've found ways to make it a bit more bearable:

yes, those are Goldfish

Normally, after a workout I only want to eat salt and carbs in one combination or another. Today, I decided to make a salad. But I don't just eat greens, so I added grape tomatoes, granny smith apples, golden raisins, pistachios and Goldfish (yummier than a plain old croutons). It's dressed with Trader Joe's Low Fat Parmesan Ranch. Haven't put Goldfish on a salad before? Try it. You're welcome :)

How a REAL Real Housewife of Atlanta does Xmas

Ah, that blissful time of year when everything is decked in red and green, bells chime and tinsel rustles in the breeze, all of your favorite songs are playing on every audio system everywhere you go, and lights twinkle from every tree, bush, awning and window (hopefully they're LED lights).

Hahahaha, yeah, it's that time again, folks. Put on your helmets and guard your loins because it's Christmas and if you truly wish to tackle this holiday with a shred of sanity left over, you had better be prepared.

There are a number of seasonal survival guides out there, from how to smile politely through eight nights of receiving socks and calculators to the most tactful way to handle Aunt Janice when she gets belligerent after 5 too many egg nogs. There are gift-giving guides, decorating tips, and of course - best of all - Pinterest.com (I signed up for an invite, by the way, and I still haven't gotten one, *harumph*).

I have my own set of tips and secrets that I think would be valuable to anyone with multiple children and/or animals and no hired help - in other words, the 99%.

1.) K.I.S.S. You know what that means. Every time I've orchestrated an elaborate menu with multiple courses and flavors to suite different palates and dietary preferences, I wind up with leftovers coming out my ears. If you're keeping your celebration to just family, limit yourself to 1 cooked appetizer and 2 "cold" snacks (think crackers and cheese, veggies and hummus), 1 cooked entree with 2 sides (cooked vegetables and rolls work for me, and a purchased dessert. Of course, if you really love to make dessert, just swap out that one prepared dish for another to save yourself some time, effort, and energy.

2.) Start early. Not just with shopping, but with cleaning. I mean, if you care. Maybe you don't and that's fine too, but I have a sister-in-law who's terribly allergic to cats so I need to be pretty detail-oriented. A few weeks ahead of time, start focusing on areas you don't have to clean too often, but require attention once in a while. Declutter that dump spot where you toss your junk mail (we all have one), wipe down the baseboards to pick up anything your vacuum misses, and maybe move furniture to get to areas you typically ignore (like under the sofa). Unless you live in a farm, it's unlikely these spots will get so dirty that you'll have to do them again before your guests arrive, so knocking them out a couple weeks ahead of time will help you focus on bigger cleaning tasks.

3.) If you don't notice it in someone else's house, don't worry about it in yours. What that means is that if you've ever been to a friend's or relative's house and they said, "Oh, please excuse the mess," and you find yourself looking around and thinking, What mess? then know that your house does not need to be Pottery Barn catalog material. Likewise, if you walk into a place and you immediately notice grubby hand prints on the wall or a peculiar funk in the air, make sure you pay attention to those details in your own abode. I'm not in the business of trying to impress anyone, but I don't want my guests to worry that we don't do laundry or wash our hands.

4.) Just do you. I say this a lot when it comes to running and working out, but it applies to this time of year as well. Every TV show, movie, magazine and store will drill it into your subconscious that you will never be prepared. There are so many decorations! The Jones are hosting a fondue holiday party and you should, too! Just one more lawn ornament! WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU DON'T HAVE CHRISTMAS THEMED BATHMATS?! ARE YOU STUPID?!

Don't buy into it. Just because you did things a certain way growing up or you worry that the neighbors are doing more for the holiday than you are doesn't mean you should succumb to the pressure of doing things exactly the same way yourself. Develop you own traditions and rituals. Forgo some others. Christmas is already a month long, you don't need to add to the stress by setting unrealistic expectations on yourself.